The Misadventures of Superheroes and Vamps
by gangsterdorothy
Summary: Your five favorite ASBOs are asked by the Cullens to help them out with a task that will affect all. What do you get when you combine the heroes of Misfits and the vampires of Twilight? Misadventures, of course.
1. For Reasons Unknown

A/N: Hey everyone. I'm back with a crossover fic. The gang of Misfits and the vamps of Twilight are coming together to be….well you'll see. This takes place after the gang finds Nathan in the coffin (so about midway through the first episode of season two)

I will admit that you need a little bit of knowledge of the Misfits world to understand. It's such a great show in the first place, why not get into it?

* * *

Our favorite five ASBO's begin their day by removing the graffiti off the outside walls of the community centre. It's just another day of giving back and paying their debt to society.

Nathan stops scrubbing. "Hey, look at this."

Kelly and Curtis, who are on either side of Nathan, lean in and glance at a picture on the wall. "What is it?" Kelly asks.

Nathan looks closer. "I think it kind of looks like big huge alien breasts. Like three huge ones."

The four other misfits roll their eyes. Nathan, on the other hand, is amused by his comment.

Curtis shakes his head. "Still a prick."

Nathan turns to Curtis, his hand and paint brush resting on either hip. "Hey, don't speak ill of the dead. Or former dead."

Curtis is never amused. "Even when you were alive, I still spoke ill of you."

"What about being immortal? Huh? How do you suppose you should talk to me? I'm like God and you're not allowed to speak ill of him."

Alisha joins in. "Yeah, if God was a wanker, which he sometimes is then yes, I will still say shit about him."

"Right well, just so you know, I thought about all of you when I was rubbing one out in that coffin." Nathan mocks jacking himself off with the paintbrush in hand.

All four scowl in disgust.

Shaun, the new probation worker strolls up to them. "Alright, finish painting this and set up for that old folks meeting for later."

"That's it?" Kelly says.

"Yep. If you need me, which I hope none of you do, I will be in the office doing things I'm not allowed to do at work." Shaun enters the community centre, whistling a tune and twirling his badge around his finger.

Simon speaks in a low voice. "What do you think he does all day?"

"Probably wanks himself off." Kelly paints over a silhouette of a sexy lady.

Nathan opens his mouth when Kelly interjects. "We know _you_ do, it's not a mystery."

Simon, Alisha and Curtis chuckle. Nathan makes a face.

_Is this the right place? It doesn't seem like it_. Kelly turns her head to hear where the voice is coming from. It's a male. An American male to be exact.

_This is what I saw, right? It looks so inconspicuous though. _This one is an American female.

_I hope Alice is right. I've been wondering about her visions lately. They've been off a little bit. _ Another American male.

There are two more voices but Kelly is having a hard time keeping up. They speak and think fast, faster than any other human she ever listened in on.

Simon notices Kelly's distress. "Is everything okay?"

"I hear people coming toward us. Five of them. They sound American."

Curtis looks past the corner of the building. "Did they say what they want?"

"No. Just something about a girl named Alice and visions."

Before they could speculate any further, five figures appear from the side of the building. The orange jumpsuit clad gang continues painting and feign interest.

"Excuse me?" A small sounding girl addresses. "Which one of you is Simon?"

Everyone but Simon turns their head to him. Hesitant, he turns around facing the visitors. "I am."

Simon takes in their appearance. _They're unusually pale. Their eyes are a gold color. They look like they're made of marble._

Kelly hears this. She is still listening in to what the visitors are saying as well.

_Edward, what is he saying about us? _A male's voice asks.

When Kelly tries to listen in on this Edward person, a sound like nails on a chalkboard plays in her head.

"Fucking Ow!" Kelly drops the paintbrush to cover her ears. She spins around in pain, facing the visitors. "Which one of you is fucking with my head?"

The rest of the gang follows and is looking at the new people.

"No one is doing anything to you." The small one furrows her eyebrows.

"Bullshit. I tried to read-" Kelly stops. "I know one of you was doing it. You look like a right bunch of freaks."

"Kelly, I wouldn't—" Simon insists she doesn't instigate them.

"Well one of them better fess up or they're getting a slap."

The visitors look to each other, confused. They wonder how much they should say. The small girl chooses to speak for the group. "What kind of pain are you talking about?"

"Like fucking nails on a chalkboard."

Kelly attempts to read their minds individually. Every one of them is fine until she tries the tall, bronze haired boy again.

"Ow! Fucking this one right here." She points to Edward.

All eyes are on him. "Me?" His voice, low and calm.

"Yes you! What the fuck are you doing?"

A disbelieving smile takes over his face. "I'm not doing anything."

Kelly rolls her eyes. "You're obviously giving off some weird vibe, mate."

"What do you mean?"

Something occurs to Nathan. He snaps his fingers and addresses the new people. "Did you get superpowers from that weird storm?"

The visitors glance at each other, their faces give nothing away.

The short girl speaks again. "Some of us do have powers and some of us don't."

Nathan nods and wags his finger. "Ah ha! So do we."

The gang protests Nathan's admission. Yet again Nathan disappoints the crew.

"I already knew you had powers." The short one says.

"How?" Simon says.

"Because I can see the future. I am aware of what all of you can do."

The gang looks at each other, suspicious and feeling like they need to walk on glass.

Curtis asks. "What else can you do?"

"Before we can get into that, we have to ask you to do something for us."

They share side long glances. They're suspicious of these pale, slightly off Americans. Things definitely don't look as they seem.

They are also bored and tired of painting a building.

"What you want?" Curtis speaks for the group.

"We need your help. We have a mission and you five are the only ones that can help us."

The gang except for Simon laughs at this request.

Kelly responds. "Are you taking a piss? You realize who you're talking to?"

"We're a bunch of offenders. Notice the jumpsuits." Nathan gestures and poses in his.

"Besides, why should we help you?" Alisha speaks.

The short one smiles. "Because we can guarantee your safety when word gets out about your powers."

Painting a building seems like a much better way to spend their time now.

* * *

After the short one confesses their need for the ASBO Five's help, she allowed the group time to think over everything.

They have no clue what these five freaky looking people want, but if there is an affirmative guarantee that they can be protected, it might seem like a nice offer. After all, they were going to be out of community service soon; the future is uncertain and a little certainty might be the best thing for these young offenders.

"What the fuck do you think is their deal?" Curtis leans back against a railing near the lake.

The five visitors are in a small circle a couple hundred feet away. The ASBOs can't take their eyes off them.

"I don't know. They have to be in trouble." Alisha copies Curtis' pose.

"They have to be criminals." Simon pushes his bangs down against his forehead. "What if they want to form an alliance? Like Magneto did in X-Men?"

"Maybe those two girls are prostitutes. Or maybe it's the dudes. Girl pimps. You never see that. How much crazy shit happens to us? Girl pimps wouldn't be out of range for our kind of luck."

"That's what you think this is about? Girl pimps and guy prostitutes?" Kelly folds her arms.

Nathan nods his head and seductively bites his lip.

"Such a wanker." Kelly shakes her head.

_Kelly, I know you can read minds. Come over to us when you're ready to find out._ The short one talks to Kelly via her thoughts. _My name is Alice, by the way._

Kelly turns to her fellow ASBOs. "When we're ready, they want us over there."

"How do you know?" Simon says.

"The little one, Alice, talked to me. She knows I can read minds."

All five share a look. What harm could there be in talking to them and finding out exactly what they want? They were freaky looking though and the five of them aren't known for being non-judgmental.

_Kelly, if you don't trust us, I'll tell you like this. _Alice thought.

"She says we don't have to go over there. She can talk to me in here." Kelly points to her head.

"No, let's go. They can't be that stupid to do shit on these grounds." Curtis suggests.

The crew shuffle to the five foreigners. Each group stands shoulder to shoulder, one group sure of what is about to happen, the other scared shitless.

"Sorry, we haven't properly introduced ourselves. I'm Alice." She gestures to her right to begin naming names. "That's Rosalie, Emmett. To my left is Jasper and then Edward."

All five ASBOs go down the line to introduce themselves.

"Listen, I know this is all shocking and unexpected. It was unexpected for me too and I can see it all coming." Alice laughed to herself.

"So why you want our help?" Kelly finds that these particular people are capable of hiding their thoughts very well. Like they've had lots and lots of practice doing so.

Alice speaks again. "There are a couple of people that want us _dead_." The five visitors laughed to themselves.

The orange clad crew clearly isn't in on the joke.

She stops her giggling and resumes her request. "These particular people have made a living hunting down certain individuals. They use every kind of resource to trap them. It's all very elaborate and unfortunately for us, they are very successful."

"Why are they after you?"

"Since that storm, it's been in their genetic make up to hunt down certain individuals. Their former lifestyles and choices affected the power they received. Have you analyzed yourself and why you gained a particular power?"

All five haven't a fucking clue what she's talking about. Soul searching and inner self discovery aren't exactly this crew's forte.

Nathan shakes his head. "I'm still confused. How are we going to help you exactly?"

"Unfortunately, the reason why can't be revealed."

"Oh really? I've got lots of things I will reveal to you. You're like a sexy little fairy chick. Do you have a tutu fetish?" He looks at Alice and winks at her.

Out of nowhere, Nathan feels a wave of love rush through him. "Whoa! Excuse me; I've got a very hot masturbatory date with the latest issue of Men of Steel Hot Rods." He sharply turns to walk back to the community centre.

"Okay which one of you did that?" Alisha points to the pale crew.

Jasper raises his index finger.

"So you turn people gay?"

Jasper opens his mouth, revealing a Texas accent. "I can absorb emotions and manipulate them."

Simon decides to get the discussion back on track. "You mentioned earlier about our powers being exposed. What do you mean?"

Alice explains. "I saw a news piece in the future. Alisha?" Alice looks at her. "I saw you talking to a reporter on television about having powers." She looks at everyone else. "I saw swarms of cameras and journalists trying to get shots and interviews with all of you. There was one particular event I saw, an opening of a centre of sorts. I'm not sure what for, but it didn't look good. Certain colors in my vision indicate danger."

Kelly's eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean?"

"Let me show you."

Alice begins an array of images. She shows Kelly an image of Nathan purchasing an issue of Men of Steel Hot Rods. It's tinted in a golden yellow color. Next, she shows her a picture of a dead girl on the ground. It's in the color of red. Then Alice tries to conjure up the centre she saw, but it's blurry and scrambled, but red is prominent.

Kelly shakes off the experience, feeling unlike herself for once in her life.

"I understand if you're confused about this. We don't have to do anything now, I'm fairly positive on that, but we'll be around. We'll be staying fairly nearby, if you do end up trusting us."

The wind blows hard and strong against everyone standing. The sky doesn't look pretty and the outlook is bleak. The remaining four ASBOs that weren't affected by sudden urges to wank off to gay porn really wish they had an excuse like that at the moment.

How much of this are they making up? How much is this is so bogus and out there?

"Here's my phone number. Keep it in a safe place." Alice hands a folded piece of paper to Kelly. She notices the temperature difference in the brief touch of their fingertips.

"I hope to hear from you soon." Alice and the other four visitors depart, walking toward the parking lot.

The four ASBOs hesitate for a second and then stalk behind them.

"I can't fucking believe this." Curtis tucks his hands in his jumpsuit pocket. "They have to be just out of the looney bin."

"I don't know. What she showed me was bizarre, but really fucking real."

They notice the graceful way all five of them walked. No slouched shoulders or hunched backs. They could be mistaken for soldiers in an army with how in sync they are.

The five get into a really expensive, red convertible. Rosalie is in the driver's seat as they pull out fast and furious away from the centre.

"Was anyone expecting that?"

All four are silent as they realize they might be dealing with some shady characters. And they should know. They're pretty shady themselves.

* * *

A/N: So it begins. Let me know what you think.


	2. Big Fat World

A/N: Hello again. Here is chapter two. Sorry for the long wait. It's a shorty.

* * *

The five out of country visitors drive away from the community centre, confidence exuding from their pores.

Until they turn the corner out of the parking lot.

"Why can't you sit in the backseat and let my husband sit up here with me?" Rosalie grunts out.

"I get nauseous when I sit back there. Would you like a repeat occurrence of the last time that happened?" Edward exclaims.

Collectively, the five pale folks shutter at that thought.

"And what was that by the way?" Edward's jaw tightens and his nostrils flare.

"What was what?" Alice, who was aware after all.

"Was that really how everything was supposed to happen? How are they going to help us? They act like little rascals." Edward folds his arms.

"Little rascals? What century are you in, Edward?" Emmett jabs him in the shoulder from the back seat.

"Oh knock it off. I act my appropriate age."

A calming wave washes over everyone in the car.

"Damn it, Jasper. Knock it off!" Edward barks at him.

"Stop getting nasty with my wife." Jasper responds.

Everyone settles before Alice addresses them all. "Listen, I know they seem like a bunch of…irresponsible low lives, but I have faith in them. I mean, look at us. Do you think they trust us anymore then we trust them?"

The other four ponder this. She has a point. They were strangers too, wild cards even. There's no sense in debating how that first meeting went when either parties hadn't the faintest idea whether to believe each other or not.

Time is the main ingredient for what Alice sees in her vision. Time, trust and the ASBO five.

"So what _is_ our next step in this whole situation, Alice?" Rosalie asks.

"We have to find a place to live. Luckily, someone in this car knows someone who can help us out." Alice smiles bright.

_Tanya._ Alice tells Edward.

Edward spins around in his seat. "Are you nuts, Alice? Last time I spoke to her…well, she didn't want to do much talking. No, I'm not doing it!"

Alice shrugs.

"Yo for real, Alice. Stop trying to make Tanward happen." Emmett says. "Or Ednya"

"I'm not; it's just how I'm seeing it."

"Alright, listen. I think the house Rosalie and I rent out is available. Poor Eddie is having a conniption over here."

"I'm not—" Edward takes a second to calm down. "I'm not having a conniption."

"It's alright. Not every man can handle free pussy." Emmett ruffles Edward's hair.

"Come on, enough picking on him." Alice warns Emmett.

Alice goes still for a second, her eyes move back and forth. A vision is happening. Jasper grabs Alice's hand as she is stuck in this state. A few moments later, Alice blinks fast and it's gone.

"What did you see, Alice?" Jasper asks.

Alice laughs and smiles. "Oh, it's too good to talk about."

Edward tries to break through Alice's mind shield for the 'too good' news. Unfortunately, Alice is even better at covering up her thoughts then Edward.

Emmett scoffs. "That's like having a secret that you want to tell but can't say anything. Man, you know I love good gossip."

"I promise. The reveal is worth it." Alice stretches her arms out, interlocking her fingers to crack them.

* * *

Meanwhile, four of the other five in question are setting up for that old folks meeting.

Nathan returns through the front door, smiling and refreshed. "So, who's up for a round of oversharing?"

Kelly and Alisha give Nathan an annoyed look. Alisha's phone rings, she answers and walks back to the locker room. Kelly is carrying two giant garbage bags passed Nathan and out the front door.

Simon is wrapping streamers around a pole, while Curtis is unfolding and placing chairs.

Nathan plops down on one of the chairs backwards. "Alright gentlemen, lets get this whole thing straight. Those two pale chicks?" Nathan makes a cum face. "Unfortunately, since there are only two, that makes one of us the odd man out. However there are plenty of guys and that Edward fellow seems like your type." He gestures to Simon.

"I'm not gay." Simon informs him.

"How do you know you don't like the cock?" Nathan says.

"How do _you _know?" Simon retorts.

"Every time I bite into a carrot, it's gross." Nathan responds.

Curtis, seeing the stupidity in this, "That just proves you don't like carrots."

"Well, I don't like cucumbers or bananas. So there, I don't like vegetables and I'm not gay." Nathan pulls out a magazine from this back pocket. He realizes it's the Men of Steel Rods issue and quickly rolls it back up.

"Do you think the storm made them that way?" Simon gives some slack on his streamers. "That pale? Their eyes were an odd color too."

"Are you discriminating against them because of the color of their skin?" Nathan mockingly points to Simon. "That isn't very pc. And how dare you? Curtis is right here."

Curtis rolls his eyes, ignoring Nathan's outburst. "I don't know. We're not even sure we'll see them again."

"That girl, Alice. She seemed very sure." Simon pushes down his bangs. "I think we need to find out more. I don't want my powers revealed. Does anyone beside us know about our powers?"

Curtis and Nathan think for a second.

"Just my mum. She fainted when she found out I was immortal. Right over like a tree." Nathan imitates a tree falling over with his arm, making a noise as he does so.

Curtis shakes his head no.

"I'd like to keep it that way." Simon ties the ribbon into a knot on the pole, pulling it really tight.

* * *

The next morning, the Cullens get down to brass tacks. After a few hours of driving through the English countryside, with a handful of missed turns, they arrive at the mansion Rosalie and Emmett rent out. To their fortune, the house is available.

"When did you buy this place?" Alice asked.

Rosalie pondered. "After our twentieth wedding? Somewhere around there. Didn't we tell you about this one?"

"No. Maybe you did. You have a lot of residences; I can't keep track of them all." Alice throws her hands up. She is briefly disturbed that she couldn't remember this piece of real estate,

The five vampires stand outside the massive home, waiting to get in.

"Do you have a key?" Jasper turns to Rosalie and Emmett.

"Yeah, it's around here somewhere." Emmett walks to the bushes along the door. He turns a couple of stones over, searching for the key. He counts in his head, trying to remember how many rocks over from the door the key is hidden under.

The vampires have run out of patience. Alice lifts her foot to kick the door in, when Emmett pops up and says, "Got it!"

He places the key in the lock and it clicks. The door swings wide and a wave of human scent overtakes them.

"Someone's been here recently." Edward closes his eyes and listens. "I don't hear anyone inside."

They split up and search the house. The mansion is big even by vampire standards. Dozens of bedrooms and just as many bathrooms are scoured for any signs of a human. Closets, the massive library, the Olympic size pool also contain no living breathing humans.

Meeting back up in the kitchen, Rosalie checks the refrigerator. "There's an American Coca-Cola bottle, a Snickers bar and Pepto-Bismol." She takes three sniffs. "All of them opened approximately four days ago."

"This doesn't make sense. No windows or doors are broken into. No clothes or signs of life." Alice scans for clues. "Nothing significant is coming to mind."

"And the scent is definitely human." Edward takes in another whiff. And another. He feels slightly lightheaded, euphoria washes over him as it lingers in his nose. His mouth waters, a growl escapes from his chest. "Excuse me."

He vanishes out the back door from the kitchen.

"The scent must have really hit him." Alice says, concerned for her brother more then usual.

Emmett sniffs the air. "It's nice, but not overwhelming."

All four take a moment to take in the fresh human scent. It is appetizing, but not enough to induce the reaction that Edward had.

"Well, now I'm hungry. Do we have any deer blood packed?" Rosalie asks.

"I believe we do."

The four of them head back out to the car and unpack their luggage into their new home.

* * *

Under an overpass a few miles from the community centre, in a deep dark ditch, a female figure appears from thin air. Her hair is muddy, her clothes covered in rain. She shivers, crouching in a corner on the floor. Terror reads on her face.

She can't make sense of her surroundings. One moment, she was running in the rain, tripping on her own two feet. The next, she ends up in a ditch in England.

Above her, flashlights briefly illuminate the night.

"Is it safe to meet here?"

"Yes. They don't come around these parts."

"Well, not since we killed many of them."

The female figure hears the three distinct voices, remaining as quiet as she can.

"I heard this was really organized, but all I'm seeing are a bunch of amateurs."

Two people laugh. "What we do isn't an exact science, you see. They can be unpredictable."

"And predictable. Just look at their habits they've had for thousands of years."

"Books of what we are trying to accomplish have been written before, but none like ours."

"We're starting a revolution. And if you join us, the better for you."

"If you think we're so…amateur, you can go off on your own. I doubt you'll survive."

There is a moment of silence, before there is shuffling of feet and a small scuffle.

"Alright, fine. I'm in, I'm in." The man speaking coughs violently. "You would kill your own kind?"

"How do you think we get bait for them?"

The female figure feels her heart racing, bumping with adrenaline. She is terrified at the bloody screams coming from the man who is surely losing his life. The gurgling of blood disturbs her most of all. She dry heaves, attempting to keep her vomit at bay.

Her sense of space and time make her lightheaded and dizzy. She scrunches further into a ball on the ground. Body shaking and tears streaming, she disappears in a flash.

* * *

A/N: I'm going to try and be quicker with these. Try being the key word. I lost my mojo for a bit, but hopefully I've got it back.


End file.
